Black Mirror
by Lamia Astaroth
Summary: [Ch. 6 Up] Jack has met a new boyfriend that he really likes but it turns out that Mr. Right-Now can be abusive. From a challenge. Read and Review!
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer-I own nothing. The show belongs to its creators.

Author's Note-This is the first "Will and Grace" fanfic. that I've ever written, so...don't expect perfect characterization. I got the main idea for this story from a challenge on a Will/Jack website (the website is posted on my Bio).

This story deals with abuse (if you couldn't tell from the summary), so it could get rather dark. So, if you don't like, don't read! You have been warned! Also, this is in Jack's POV.

* * *

Black Mirror

By: Lamia Astaroth

* * *

Real happiness is   
cheap enough, yet   
how dearly we pay   
for its counterfeit.   
-Hosea Ballou

The truest characters   
of ignorance are vanity,   
and pride, and annoyance.   
-Samuel Butler

You're everything I want and more   
Oh I adore your mystery   
Since I found a new love.   
-Lauryn Hill "Since I Found A New Love"

But I cannot forget,   
refuse to regret,   
So glad I met you and   
Take my breath away.   
-Maroon 5 "The Sun

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE**

"And, I know it's only been, like, a week, but I'm telling you, Will, this is the real thing!" I paused, waiting for an answer when I noticed that Will was staring at some document on his desk. I frowned, reaching over and snatching the document off of the desk.

"Will!" I said, angrily. How could I _not_ be angry? Will would rather stare at some stupid _paper_ than listen to his best friend's happiness. "Would you just listen to me for _one_ second?"

"Hey, I was reading that!" Will snapped, his voice going up into that high pitch, which only happens if he gets really annoyed.

He made a desperate grab for the paper in my hand. I held the paper just out of his reach and looked at him. "Will, all I wanted was to tell you how--" I sighed, looking up at the ceiling, "--incredible this guy is."

I saw Will roll his eyes and, for a moment, I was tempted to tear up that damn document that I was holding. "Yeah, and what's so 'incredible' about him?" Will asked, sarcasm dripping on his words. "Tries new positions, maybe?"

Now it was _my_ turn to roll my eyes. It seemed that Will believed that _all _I thought about was sex. Which, I'll admit it, used to be completely true. But I've grown up a lot! I know I have, but obviously Will doesn't care enough to notice something so unimportant as that.

Actually, truth be told, Jimmy and I have only slept together once--not even that. I told him that we should slow down because I didn't want to ruin something that could be really great. Yeah, I said that. Quote-unquote. That's proof of how I _know_ I'm growing up.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. What matters here is that I've never been so happy (that I can remember, at least) and Will, my best friend, could really care less.

"No, Will," I said, answering the previous question. "Jimmy is--" I paused, trying to think of the right word for my new boyfriend. He was unbelievably gorgeous--hair so black that it almost looked blue, perfect blue eyes (much like mine), _nice_ body, and he's about as tall as I am, which is a definite plus, considering some of the giants that I've gone out with. And it wouldn't be so bad if that "big hands" myth was actually true!

"--he's perfect," I said, finally. It seemed to be the only word that could describe him: "Perfect."

Will cocked an eyebrow at me. "Well, Jack, remember, that's what you said about Stuart."

"Ahh yes," I replied, feeling a slight twinge of guilt at hearing my ex-boyfriend's name. "Poor Stuart. It's a shame I had to cheat on him. But, bright side, it helped me meet my Jimmy!"

"Huh," Will said, crossing his legs. "So, when do I get to meet 'your Jimmy?'"

I smiled; finally, Will was beginning to care about me and my new boyfriend. "I was thinking, maybe, tonight. You and your wife--" In my mind, I chuckled. No matter how many times you said it, that _Grace--Will's wife_ joke always seemed funny. And sickeningly true. "--could use the social interaction."

Will's face turned to one of thought, and I snuck a quick glance at the document that I was holding. Some guy suing another guy--what else is new?

"I don't know," Will said, causing me to look up at him. "I'm not sure if Grace is ready. I mean, she's still kind of in her divorce stage."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes again. "Oh come on, Will. If she's well enough to pose as a drunk at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, she's well enough to meet my new boyfriend!"

Will nodded, giving me a _you've got a point there_ look. "Okay, tonight then. Dinner. Be there by...six thirty, all right?"

I grinned, reaching over and grabbing Will's hand. "Thank you! I'm so happy that you get to meet him!"

Will smiled back at me, giving my hand a quick squeeze. "It's no problem. Why are you so surprised that I said yes to this?"

I shrugged, not wanting to give him the real reason. The truth is, ever since he and Vince got together, I can feel myself being slowly pushed out of the picture and into a portrait all of my own (good analogy--I knew I should be in the show business). Why else would I have asked Karen to set me up with someone who was looking for a lasting relationship?

I'm starting to feel lonely, as much as I hate to admit it. That's why I don't want to rush things with Jimmy. I don't want to be alone when Will's got someone. Sounds kind of conceited, I know, but it's how I feel!

The shrug I gave as a response to Will's question must have been enough, because he continued talking: "Wait, don't you want to introduce him to Karen, too?"

I groaned; two times during my (mostly one-sided) conversation with Will, I had said that Karen had set us up. "Well, had you been listening instead of reading this document--" I held up the paper, "--about how some guy wants to sue some other guy--"

"Jack, actually, you're not really supposed to read those," Will interrupted, looking a little nervous.

"No, it's okay; I read your documents all the time. Anyway, had you been listening, you would've heard me say that Karen's the one who set us up. Jimmy's some friend of Driver's friend." I waved my hand, saying that it didn't really matter what the cycle of friends was.

"Hmm..." Will was staring at the document again, obviously afraid that I was going to rip it or do something stupid with it. I laid the document down on Will's desk, giving it a gentle pat to let Will know that I had no intention of hurting it.

"Okay," I said, standing up, "I've got to go. Let Grace know about the dinner thing tonight, would you?"

I made my way over to the door when I heard Will say my name. I turned around and looked at him, giving him a look that said _What?_ "Do you mind if I bring Vince tonight?"

I frowned, then tried to hide my facial expression into one of thought. I don't know why Vince bothers me so much; maybe it's because he's big and tall and sometimes frightening. Well, to me, at least. Will seems to like him, and that's what matters. "Sure, why not?" I replied. "It'll be fun to have our boyfriends meet each other."

"Yeah, as long as they don't end up going home with each other." I could tell that Will was trying to make a joke. Sad as it was, I forced a laugh and turned around, leaving his office.

As soon as the door closed behind me, I paused, pressing my ear up against the door, just to be sure that Will was indeed going to call Grace. I heard him dialing some numbers on speaker phone and then the ringing on the opposite line.

_"Grace Adler Designs," _came Grace's voice. God, how loud does Will have the speaker volume, I asked myself.

"Hey Grace," Will replied. "Listen, Jack's apparently got a new boyfriend and he wants us to meet him tonight."

_"Oh really? That's sweet! What did Jack say about him? That he's perfect?"_ Grace chuckled, causing me to bite my tongue in fear that I would shout something back to her.

"Actually, yes. And I know that he says that about, oh, I don't know, every guy he dates, but he did seem genuinely happy this time," Will replied, and I smiled. At least Will understood how I felt.

_"Well, good for him!" _Grace replied, and I could not figure out if she was saying it with or without sarcasm--her voice with and without sarcasm begins to sound alike after awhile. _"So, are you going to bring _your_ boyfriend? Vince?"_

"Yeah. Jack said that it was okay, so I thought, what the hell?" Will chuckled. Another attempt at humor. How sad.

_"Well, tell him that I'll be there."_

"I will!"

_"Bye Sweetie!"_

"Bye." I heard the beep of the speaker as Will hung up the phone, followed by, "She's coming, Jack!"

I stood completely upright. Of course Will knew that I was here. "I know!" I shouted back, before turning around and walking away from Will's office and out of the building.

* * *

Why am I so nervous? My friends have met my past boyfriends before, why should tonight be such a big deal? Maybe I'm just worried about what Will said: _"As long as they don't end up going home with each other." _Vince better not try and steal Jimmy from me. I'll...find someone to kick his ass!

"Jack, are you okay?" I looked over at Jimmy, who was eying me strangely. "You look nervous."

"What, no. I'm not nervous. Not at all!" I leaned forward and pressed Will's floor's button again, hoping that the elevator would somehow move faster. I hated this awkward silence.

"Are you sure? Do you not think they'll like me?" Jimmy teased, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

"No, of course they'll like you! I mean, look at you!" Jimmy chuckled, shaking his head. "I don't know why I'm so nervous," I admitted, staring at the closed elevator doors. "I guess that I'm just worried about what they'll think. To be honest, I've never been in a 'real' relationship before."

"Well, what about that Stuart guy?" Jimmy asked. I couldn't help but smile at him. The way he was trying to make me feel better...it was sweet. It made me feel wanted.

"Stuart was...not as special as I thought. I mean, I _did_ cheat on him, after all, so he couldn't have been _that_ important to me." I looked at Jimmy's blue eyes; God were they gorgeous.

"Let's hope that you never want to cheat on me. 'Cause I'll have to kill whoever it was. And then you." I swallowed; the way Jimmy had said that made me feel even _more_ uncomfortable. He smiled, and I exhaled deeply. He was only joking. But it had seemed so genuine. I smiled back at him, not knowing what to say.

The door pinged and we stepped onto the floor. I stared at Will's apartment door for I don't know how long before Jimmy asked, "Aren't you going to knock?"

I looked at him for a moment. Why was I so nervous? "Yeah, sorry." I lifted my hand and knocked once, then twice, before I heard Will's voice call out, _"Coming!"_ followed by a race of footsteps.

He opened the door and smiled at the two of us. "Hi, come on in!" he greeted, a little too cheerfully.

"Hi Will," I replied, following Jimmy into the apartment. Once Will had closed the door, I gestured toward Jimmy. "Will, this is Jimmy. Jimmy, Will." They shook hands and exchanged _nice to meet you's_.

"Will, could you show me where the bathroom is?" Jimmy asked, and I was relieved to find that I was no longer feeling nervous. Will nodded and pointed him in the direction of the bathroom.

Once Jimmy had closed the bathroom door, Will turned to me. "Wow, you weren't kidding! He is...pretty amazing."

I shrugged. "I do what I can," I said, modestly. "And I'm not just with him because he's gorgeous. He's funny, smart, and...just great." I knew that I was practically drooling, because Will chuckled.

"You must really feel something here. I've never seen you look like that." He paused, obviously thinking back. "Well, once, but you said that it was just a test to make sure that our relationship was simply as friends."

I swallowed. Why did Will always seem to want to bring up the time when I had confessed that I loved him? He probably still wishes that I do. But I love Jimmy. At least, I think I do. Maybe.

The door to the bathroom opened and Jimmy stepped out, rubbing his hands together. "So, Will," he began, walking to where Will and I were standing, "I hear that you're bringing _your_ boyfriend tonight. Vince, his name is?"

Will nodded. "Yeah," he said, almost bashfully. "We've been going out for over a month now. Two months, next week." He was beaming; he was probably happy to tell someone new about his boyfriend.

Right on cue, there was a knock at the door. Vince, my guess was. And judging from the way Will had practically sprinted to the doorway, I assumed that my guess was right. Will opened the door and grinned. "Hi Vince," he greeted. I watched as Vince leaned down and gave Will a quick peck on the lips.

"Vince, this is Jimmy," I said, and, much to my relief, they exchanged regular greetings and then each of them moved back to his boyfriend, almost protectively. Will and I smiled at each other; how long had it been since both of us were in a relationship at the same time?

Time flew after that point. Grace, I noticed, was having a good time admiring her gay friends and their new beaus. It had seemed like only a few minutes until I saw Jimmy glance at his watch. "Oh, Jack, we've got to go. It's already eleven, and I've got to get to work by seven AM tomorrow."

I frowned. I was having a good time, especially considering how anxious I had been. And I was still unsure _why_ I had been nervous. "Okay," I said, and I knew I sounded disappointed, because Jimmy pulled me into a one-armed hug. "It's okay, Jack," he said. "We'll come back soon."

I smiled at him. "I know. It's just...it seemed so short, you know?"

Jimmy smiled back at me and began to lead me towards the front door. "Bye Will, Grace! I'll see you tomorrow!" I called over my shoulder.

"Bye Jack," they replied in unison. Sometimes they were so close, it was scary.

Once Jimmy and I were out in the hallway, he turned to me and said, his voice low, "That's Will?"

I looked at him, confused. "I...uhh...yeah. That was Will."

"The one you used to be in love with?"

Oh, so _that's_ what this was about. In a way, Jimmy's jealousy made me feel really good. But on the other hand, it made me feel uncomfortable. "Well, yes, but that was way back when I was in high school. Not anymore."

Jimmy cast one last glance towards the closed apartment door. "Okay. Good," he said, before turning and pushing the DOWN button on the elevator doors.

I stared after him, confused. Why did Jimmy seem to care so much about Will and how I used to be in love with him. I wanted to ask, but I couldn't seem to find the right words.

The rest of the night seemed like an eternity...

_To Be Continued..._


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer-I own nothing. The show belongs to its creators.

Author's Note-Many, many thanks go out to those who reviewed Chapter One: Frilly Pineapple, JeanMarie, "Stacy," heartless-fayth, "Erin," "Lyndsay," "Fiddlesticks," all4christ0398, SnkNJak, "me," and Cathy2005.

And, to those who were wondering, the whole story will be written in Jack's POV. Oh, and, from this chapter on, the story will be written in "present" form, because I think it'll work better for how I want the story to go. Okay, that's it! And don't forget to review!!

* * *

Black Mirror

By: Lamia Astaroth

* * *

No passion so effectually  
robs the mind of all  
its powers of acting  
and reasoning as fear.  
-Edmund Burke

He who asks is a  
fool for five minutes,  
but he who does not  
ask remains a fool forever.  
-Chinese Proverb

Slapped me right in the face  
Nearly broke me in two  
It's a mark. I've taken hard  
And I know I will carry with  
me for a long long time.  
-Liz Phair "Shatter"

Tried to give you warning  
But everyone ignores me.  
Told you everything loud and clear  
But nobody's listening.  
-Linkin Park "Nobody's Listening"

* * *

**CHAPTER TWO**

Oh my God. Oh my God. I can't believe it. Did…did _that_ really happen? I mean, it wasn't a dream? No, it _must_ have been a dream. That could not have possibly happened…to _me_…right?

I'm trying to go to sleep, but I can't. What if it happens again? No, it couldn't happen _again_, could it? Oh God, oh God…

It was just last night, after Jimmy and I had made love for the first (real) time. He told me to set the alarm for six thirty, so that he would make it on work on time. So I did. I _did!_ But I guess I did something wrong, because the alarm did not go off this morning, and I remember waking up at eight to the sound of someone yelling.

It had been Jimmy. He was pacing the room looking for his clothes, a look of anger on his face and he was yelling just about every curse word I have ever heard. And even a few that I did not know.

So I got up and I asked him what was wrong, why was he yelling, and if he was alright, and then he started yelling at _me_, demanding to know "why in God's name I hadn't set the alarm?!" I told him that I _had_ set the alarm (because I had, I know I had), but he didn't listen…he just kept yelling.

Oh God, it was so scary, and I didn't know what to do! I just sat there on the bed, watching as my new boyfriend yelled at me for making him late for work.

That was when _I _started to get mad. I mean, he couldn't just blame me for everything. He should have shown me how to set the alarm.

So I started yelling at _him_, telling him that it wasn't all my fault, yelling at him to calm down, that if he didn't stop yelling at me that we were over…and that's when it happened.

Oh my God, I still can't even_ think _about it without feeling sick. One minute, I was threatening to end my relationship with Jimmy, the next, I was on the floor next to the bed, the right side of my face burning like hell and…oh God, I still can't believe it!

He hit me.

Jimmy--my perfect, wonderful Jimmy--hit me. I lay there on the ground, staring up at him for the longest time. Suddenly, almost miraculously, the anger left his face and he knelt down beside me and began apologizing. He kissed me all over saying that he was "so, so sorry." That he was just "stressed out from work" and that he "hated being late."

I don't remember exactly _what_ I said, just that I forgave him. I mean, it was just stress, right? It wasn't something to end a perfectly good relationship over…right? Of course I'm right. Will would say that I'm right, too. I'll be okay. I'll be fine.

But it does not feel all right. My face feels better, sure--there's no bruise or swelling or anything--but, as corny as it sounds, I still hurt on the inside.

After all, I've _never_ been hit by a boyfriend before. Never. I have been hit and pushed by some homophobes before, but it was never anything too bad. Not like this…

I turned over on my side on the bed and stare at Jimmy's sleeping form. He really is beautiful, there's no doubt about _that_, but that does not stop me from looking over every so often, just to be sure that he's _really_ asleep, not plotting his next attack on me.

No, don't be stupid; he's not "plotting against me." He loves me. He _told _me that he loves me…and I told him that I love him, too. Because I do. I do love him. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me…

I sit upright in the bed, staring at the dark wall across from me. Why lie about it? I don't love him. I don't even know him as well as I thought I did. I never would have pursued this relationship if I had known that he would hit me.

But I said that I loved him…and now I'm in too deep. There's nothing I can do. Besides, if he hits me for _threatening_ to leave him, what will he do if I actually _do_ leave him? What was it that he said the other day before meeting Will? That if I ever cheated on him, he'd kill me? Suddenly I do not think he was joking anymore.

"Jack?" My heart skips a beat at the sound of my name. "Jack, are you all right?" I feel Jimmy place his hands upon my bare back and I am tempted to move away. But I do not.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I reply. _If you consider being unable to sleep because you're afraid your boyfriend's going to hit you while you're sleeping "okay," _I add in my mind.

"I'm glad," he murmurs, kissing the back of my neck so gently that, for a moment, I completely forget about the "incident" this morning. I sigh deeply, reaching my hand over in the darkness and grabbing his free hand in mine. "Having trouble sleeping?" he asks, so innocently that I feel myself falling in love with him all over again.

"You could say that," I reply, smiling. He grabs my shoulder and pulls me back down into a lying-down position. He does it gently, I notice, not forcibly.

As Jimmy begins pressing his lips against mine, all of these flashbacks, you could call them, begin flying through my mind: Jimmy's angry face, him yelling, him screaming at me, his hand moving back then moving closer to me before knocking me to the carpet.

I shudder, hoping that Jimmy would take it as a hint to stop, but he doesn't. He simply continues to kiss me and run his hands through my hair and over my body. It is both arousing and terrifying.

He pauses, pulling back and looking at me with a caring intensity. "I really do love you," he says, his beautiful blue eyes twinkling even in the darkness.

I smile. I can't help it; he is so beautiful. "I love you, too," I reply. And, for a moment, I truly believe that I do.

* * *

"So, Jackie, how's your love life been with dear Jimmy, hmm?" Karen asks me with a small smile.

We are sitting at the table at Café Jacques', me drinking an espresso, Karen drinking vodka from a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag--in other words, her usual breakfast.

"It's…it's been going great," I reply. I hate lying to Karen, but she _is_ the one who set me and Jimmy up, so I do not want to disappoint her by saying what had _really _happened.

"Well, that's good! I'm really happy for you. You deserve someone like him, you know. Someone both attractive and gay." She smiles, staring up at the ceiling. "Always knew that Driver was good for something other than driving," she adds, more to herself than to me.

I nod, wondering if I should ask Karen if Driver had mentioned anything about Jimmy that I should have known about. "Umm…Karen?" I begin.

"Yeah Poodle?" she asks, taking another swig of vodka. She cocks her head at me, giving me a thoughtful look. "What's wrong, honey? Why do you look so sad?"

"Oh, I was just wondering…what did Driver tell you about Jimmy before you, you know, introduced him to me?" I hope that I had asked the question correctly. Maybe if Karen said something about Jimmy's anger, I could tell her what had happened. But only if she mentioned it…

"Well, Driver said that Jimmy was gay, single, looking for a serious relationship, and…" She trails off, obviously trying her hardest to remember. If only she hadn't drunken that damn vodka already, then she could tell me! "…and that he was gay," she finishes, nodding through another sip of her drink.

"Really? That's it?" I ask, slightly disappointed. "Nothing about his personality or anything?"

"Honey, I already told you that Driver said he was gay," Karen chuckles, shaking her head. "What more do you want to know? Besides, I thought that everything was going perfectly smooth."

So Karen was not going to mention Jimmy's temper. "It is," I lie, forcing a smile. "It's going great."

"Well, that's good! I'm really happy for you. You deserve someone like him, you know. Someone both attractive _and_ gay." I open my mouth to tell Karen that she was repeating herself, but she is already drinking another swig of alcohol.

Maybe it _was_ just a one-time thing. Maybe Jimmy doesn't have a temper. Maybe I just pushed him too far by saying I'd leave him. He _does_ love me, after all. And I love him. I suppose.

"So, anyway, you've got yourself a pretty boyfriend. Will has _him_self a pretty boyfriend and a…wife. And all _I've_ got are the big, fatty memories of my Stan." Karen sighs, shaking her head.

Great. Now to being almost _afraid_ of Jimmy, I've got to feel guilty, too? "Aww, Kare, are you lonely?" I ask, patting Karen's shoulder.

"What?" Karen looks at me as though I had just asked the stupidest question and rolls her eyes. "Please. I've got a man up in my apartment every night performing tasks for me. And I don't mean my Rosie; a _man_ man."

Okay, so no guilt, just fear. I can live with that. Ha…_not._ "Ahh, of course," I reply, giving my best friend a genuine smile.

Karen nods, and then turns back to her drink as though our conversation was officially over. But there is still something on my mind. "Hey Kare?" I ask. I hope I don't sound desperate, simply curious.

"Yeah Poodle?"

"Well…OutTV is doing this new thing--program," I begin, knowing that I can't just _ask_ what I am feeling; not without completely giving myself away, "about 'angry'--" I make the quote-unquote gesture with the forefinger and middle finger of each hand, "--boyfriends and girlfriends, and, well, what would you do if your 'spouse' was, say, hitting you?"

Karen sits down her drink and places both of her hands on my right hand. Oh God, did she figure it out? "Oh, honey," she begins, softly, and, for a moment, I know that she _has _figured it out. "…I'd kill them," she finishes, and I can literally feel my heart falling. Of course she doesn't know what I had meant. My lie _had_ been really good, after all.

"Kill them?" I repeat and she nods, removing her hands from mine and returning to her drink. "Okay then, thanks, that'll really help," I blurt out, making to stand up.

"Jackie?" Karen says suddenly, causing me to sit back down. She leans towards me slightly and inspects my face. "What's…what's that on your face?"

I sigh. I suppose that I should tell Karen everything that had happened. Before I can even open my mouth, however, Karen reaches out and wipes off what must have been a smudge of espresso from above my upper lip.

"Honey," she says, shaking her head at me, "I told you to be careful when drinking those things." She gestures towards my cup of espresso. "You know they lead to nothing but trouble. Not to mention a lot of stares from strangers." She presses the bottle to her lips again, swallowing.

I smile sadly. "Thanks Kare," I murmur. My cheek was fine, apparently…then why do I feel like I am holding something back from my bestest friend? I should not feel guilty about keeping this from Karen, should I? After all, I wouldn't want to worry her at all…she _is_ still kind of upset by her divorce.

Besides, the whole Jimmy thing was just a one-time thing, nothing more.

…then why am I actually afraid to see him again?

* * *

"…Jack?" Whoa, how long has that hand been waving in front my face? Will stares at me from across his desk like I had just magically grown another head. "Why are you so quiet? Usually you're talking so much that I can't get you to shut up long enough to finish my work, and now I'm done. What's up?"

How long have I been in Will's office? I don't even remember coming here. Could that hit from Jimmy have affected my memory? "Oh, I was just…thinking," I reply, squinting my eyes as I try and remember when I had gotten here. It must have been right after my conversation with Karen…

"Thinking?" Will repeats, as though he can't believe that I, the stupid Jack McFarland, can actually think.

"Yes Will, I'm sorry I'm not as smart as _you_, but I _do_, in fact, think," I snap, sounding much more bitchy that I wanted. But Will really does look down on me too much. Like I'm not good enough because _he_ went to some fancy college and I…did not.

Will stands up and walks over towards me. As he sits down at the chair beside me, I instantly feel guilty about snapping at him. He is my friend…my best friend (not my bestest friend--that'll always be Karen--but he's up there. "Jack, what's wrong? You've never cared about me insulting your intelligence before. Why are you so touchy?"

Touchy? Me? Ha, that's funny. Maybe after this verbal beating I'll go over to Jimmy's and tell him that I've slept with Will. Then I wouldn't have to worry about living anymore, because he'll kill me. Sounds like a fun-filled day to me!

"I'm not being _touchy_, Will. I'm just…thinking about what a great love-maker Jimmy is." There you go, Will. Standard Jack McFarland reply. Happy now? Besides, it's not a complete lie; Jimmy _is_ fantabulous in bed. God, if only he hadn't hit me. I would have gone down to his office, torn off his clothes and had my way with him…I've done it with plenty of people before.

"Ahh. Well, if you and Jimmy aren't too busy 'love-making,' how would the two of you like to go out to dinner tonight with me and Vince?"

Vince. Ugh, that guy scares me. I always feel like he's going to crush me to death every time we shake hands. He's like that big guy from "Everybody Loves Ray," or whatever that show's called. Tall, big, deep voice…your basic scary guy.

Okay, no more thinking about Vince…just answer Will's question! "Sure, that sounds great. You two can meet us at my apartment at, say, six, okay?"

Will gives me a confused look, but smiles. Maybe I shouldn't have answered so quickly. I mean, I could barely understand myself, so I must've really been rushing my answer.

Before Will can say anything else about "if I'm okay," I get up from my chair and make to leave his office. I add quickly before leaving, "Six o'clock. Okay?"

I see Will nod and I leave his office. I shut the door behind me and leave the building as fast as my legs will take me. I've got to get over to Jimmy's office. I've got to know if him hitting me is going to be a long-time thing. I hate not knowing. I hate being afraid.

* * *

I take a deep breath before knocking on the door to Jimmy's office. It looks strangely like the door to Will's office. Huh, must've come from the same company or something. I mean, it's kind of a weird coincidence...

What the hell am I doing? The door has absolutely no impact on me right now. I don't even know _how _I'm going to ask Jimmy this. I mean...what am I going to say?

"Come in!" Jimmy shouts in his oh-so-sexy voice. Maybe coming here was a big mistake. I mean, he won't hit me again...

I open the door and enter his office. "Hey," I greet, all feelings of fear and nervousness suddenly gone.

He stands up, looking absolutely thrilled that I'm here. Of course, who wouldn't be? "Hey," he replies, walking over to me, wrapping his arms around my torso and kissing me so passionately and so tenderly that that tear-off-his-clothes-and-have-my-way-with-him plan sounds wonderful.

When he ends the kiss, we stare into each other's eyes for such a long time that I forget why I'm even here. Oh, right, the hitting-me thing. Okay, feeling nervous again...and scared.

I look away from him and he pulls away slightly. "What's wrong, Jackie?" he asks.

Okay, here it goes. "I was just...wondering...about this morning...when the alarm didn't go off, and you got mad, and..." I look back up at him, and I can tell by the look in his eyes that he has no idea where I'm going with this. Damn. "...and then you, you know...hit me."

A look of realization comes into his eyes. Thank God; I thought I was possibly dealing with a psychopath here for a second. "That...that was just a one-time thing, right?" I ask, my voice shaking slightly. "You won't hurt me again, will you?"

He moves closer to me and embraces me again. He's so soft and so warm and I really do love him. "Oh, Jack," he whispers in my ear. "I won't hurt you again. Unless you give me reason to."

What?

_To Be Continued..._


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer-I own nothing. The show belongs to its creators.

Author's Note-Thanks and love go out to my reviewers: Frilly Pineapple, "Fiddlesticks," "all4christ0398," Buff1700, YellowCrimsonforever, and "Katie11."

And a slight warning: this chapter can get pretty dark. There, I've warned you, so no flaming! That's all! Review!

**

* * *

**

Black Mirror

By: Lamia Astaroth

* * *

Look in the mirror.  
The face that pins you  
with its double gaze  
reveals a chastening secret.  
-Diane Ackerman

The face is the mirror  
of the mind, and eyes  
without speaking confess  
the secrets of the heart.  
-Saint Jerome

A cult is like abusive  
relationships... You  
are trapped, like a  
caged animal.  
-_The Independent,_ Mar. 20, 2000 (article)

So I look in your direction,  
But you pay me no attention  
Do you? I know you don't  
listen to me, 'cause you say  
you see straight through me  
Don't you?  
-Coldplay "Shiver"

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER THREE**

Umm, excuse me? Could you repeat that? Yeah, that's it; I must've heard it wrong. But just in case… "What?" I ask, and I can feel my words coming out exactly how I feel: bewildered.

Jimmy pulls out of the hug and looks at me. "Of course I won't hurt you unless I have to," he says, obviously trying to comfort me, but, surprise, surprise, it isn't working.

"Why would you even…I mean, how could you even consider…_it_?" I ask, and I can feel my heart in my throat. I try and swallow it back down to where it belongs, but it remains stuck in my throat.

"Well, I was always taught, as a child, that if you did something _bad_ or _wrong_, that you should be punished for it," he explains. How can he possibly sound so calm when discussing _this_? I mean, it's _hitting_, for God's sake. "And you did something wrong," he continues, running his fingers through my hair. "So you were punished. That's the way it goes."

"But…but…" Okay, I absolutely do not understand what he's saying. Corporal punishment--that's what it's called, right? Or is it corpol?--is something people use on their children, and that's only a spanking. Not that there's anything wrong with spanking…

But he can't seriously think that this is okay, can he? I mean, I'm not his _child_, I'm his boyfriend! "But, you said you were sorry," I stammer. "I thought that it was just a…a mistake. A one-time thing."

"Of course I said I was sorry. I mean, I hadn't yet explained how I was brought up, what I believe in…and I obviously confused you, so I _had_ to apologize. But now, since you know my beliefs, I won't feel the need to apologize next time."

Whoa, bring…it…back. _Next time_? There isn't going to be a next time, because I'm not going to let him think that he can just do that to me. "What do you mean, next time?" I ask, putting my hands on my hips.

"You know…" Jimmy begins, calmly, "…in case you happen to make me angry again."

"Jimmy, you can't just…_hit_ me anytime you please. I mean…you just can't. I don't want it and I won't let you." There, that sure as hell gets my point out.

But maybe that wasn't the smartest thing to say…I mean, he _does_ look pretty pissed. Oh…God, no…

_Thwack!_ A sharp blow to my skull and everything gets hazy for a second. Oh my God! My ear is ringing inside my head and my right ear feels so _hot_! Why am I on the floor? Am I _that_ fragile, _that_ easy to just walk all over? No, he just caught me off guard.

"Don't you _ever_ tell me what I can and can't do," he snarls and I still can't believe that that's Jimmy--_my _Jimmy--who's hitting me and yelling at me. Is this just a dream, maybe? Like that waste-of-precious-time season on "Dallas"? Yeah, maybe I'll wake up and then open up my shower door to see some hunk there…

Whoa, eyes on the situation! I'm still on the floor after all, and the last thing I want is to be kicked or something…

_Whomp!_ Too late; his foot is already inside my stomach, knocking the wind out of me and, oh God, I can't stop _coughing_! No way. This is so not happening.

I raise my hand to my face and feel moisture there. Am I crying? When did I start crying? Or is it just sweat? Oh, I don't know, and I really don't care. I can see even through my blurred vision that Jimmy is smiling again. That oh-so-perfect smile that makes my heart melt even though he probably burst open my stomach with that last kick.

He kneels down beside me and wipes the moisture off of my face. "Don't worry, Jackie," he murmurs. "Everything will be all right. Don't you worry. I'll always be here for you. Don't cry."

He helps me to my feet and kisses away the tears and I love him, I love him, I really do love him, but he's the reason the tears are there and, oh my God, what am I going to do? His lips reach my mouth and I kiss him back. Why is he so beautiful and why is he so painful?

"Come on, Jackie," he says, pulling away. "Let's go to lunch. My treat."

Oh, okay, that'll make everything all right. But I can see myself nodding, saying yes, wiping the last of the tears away and then all of the pain is gone from my face.

And no one can even tell.

* * *

"Are you two ready to order?" the waitress asks us, pulling out a small notebook. Her apron is almost identical to the one I use at Café Jacques, I notice, except hers is blue, and mine's green.

"Yes, thank you. I'll have the baked potato with cheese and he'll have a Caesar salad," Jimmy says, ordering for both of us. Which I wouldn't mind if I had actually told him what I wanted. I don't want a salad! I'm in the mood for something greasy, topped off with a big piece of chocolate cake. It's been a stressful day, after all.

"Okay," she says, writing down our orders in her little notebook. "And," she begins, looking over at me, "what kind of dressing would you like with that?"

I open my mouth to tell her that I don't want a salad; I want a cheeseburger with a side of fries and a piece of cake, but before I can even open my mouth, Jimmy says, "He'll have ranch dressing."

The waitress looks at me as though to confirm it. Oh, what the hell? I nod and she smiles, leaving our table to get our drinks: a Corona for Jimmy, water for me.

"Umm…Jimmy?" I ask. I want to know why he ordered for me, and why a salad, and why he keeps hitting me and why, and why, and…calm down. One question at a time.

"Yes Jackie?" he replied, gazing at me with those baby blues and I almost consider saying nothing, but I look down at the table instead.

"…why'd you order me a salad?" I ask, softly. "I was kind of in the mood for something else--"

"Oh, what else?" Jimmy snorts. "A burger?" I nod and he chuckles. "Jackie, those things will do nothing more than turn into fat and settle in your stomach. And, quite frankly, I don't think that you can afford any more fat there."

What? Excuse me? Is he calling me fat? I go to the gym every chance I get, thank you very much! I am not fat! Or…am I? Jimmy wouldn't just_ say_ that, after all. Am I gaining weight? I have been eating a little bit more than usual, mainly out of fear, but I haven't noticed a change…

You know, now a salad sounds perfect to me. "Salad it is," I reply, smiling. He reaches over and places his hand on mine. He's just looking out for my best interest. I'm so glad I have him. Well, most of the time…

"See? I know what's best for my Jackie," he said, twitching his nose at me in that suggestive way he does and licking his lips. Now who would possibly believe that that man is someone who believes in hitting? I don't, and I know it first-hand.

The waitress brings us our drinks. I stare at my water glass for a moment. I know it's ridiculous, but I'm starting to get worried about water retention. I mean, I don't want Jimmy to be ashamed of being seen with me. I pick up my glass and sip some water.

I watch as Jimmy drinks his Corona. He sure loves his beer. He told me so when we first started dating. He's no alcoholic, but he said that his grandfather was. Doesn't that make him an easier target for becoming an alcoholic? I think so, but I'm not about to say it.

"So," I begin, wanting to break the silence. Okay,I really have no idea what to say, but the silence is scary. What should I say? What would Will say? Oh, Will! That's right! The double date thing.

"So, what?" Jimmy asks, obviously trying to get me to continue.

"What do you think about a double date tonight? With Will and Vince? Will asked me earlier if we were up to it." I pause, but Jimmy does not answer. "So, how about it?"

Jimmy shrugs. "I don't know, Jackie. I don't think that's a very good idea."

Huh? "What? Why not?" Sure, Vince is kind of scary, but it's no reason to not go out. What's Jimmy's problem?

"Look, Jackie, you know I love you, but I don't think that we should double date. Because someone always gets cast out, and I have this feeling that it'll be me, and I don't want that."

Oh, jealousy. How sweet...but kind of childish. Being cast out. Please. I won't let that happen. Not to my Jimmy. If anyone's going to get cast out, it'll be Vince, that tall, policeman bastard...

Whoa, did I just think that? What's wrong with me? That's Will's boyfriend! I'm probably just jealous because he and Will have been dating longer than Jimmy and I have. Yeah, that's it. Oh, I feel just horrible!

"I guess you're right. No double date. I'll just call Will and tell him no," I say, slightly disappointed. I was really looking forward to going out with Will tonight; it's been so long since he and I did anything together. And he might have worn those tight black jeans and...

Oh my God, my mind is going _crazy_ today! It was probably that blow to my head earlier. Knocked everything out of place.

"Oh, Jackie, I'm sorry. I know you're disappointed, but I promise, you and I will have a special date tonight." He smiles wickedly and I can't help but grin.

I love that smile. That smile always, _always_ means he's going to be extra exciting. Okay, so this is only the second time he's done it, but the last time, it was before we made love the first time. It was so amazing...but is it bad that it seemed like he was _trying _to hurt me?

No, it was all in my mind. Heat of the moment, or whatever they call it. After all, that's what sex is _supposed_ to be, right? After all, he only hits if I do something wrong, and I didn't do anything wrong before. Did I?

I look down at my stomach. It _does_ seem to be sticking out more than usual. Okay, no more sweets until it's gone, starting now. Jimmy will be so happy when I lose a few pounds that everything will be perfect. No more fighting, no more anything...

I won't do anything wrong.

* * *

I stare at the door of Will's office, wondering how I'm going to break it to him. I mean, he did seem like he was looking forward to this date thing, so what am I going to say?

Sighing, I lift my hand and knock on the door. "Come in!" Will calls, and I instantly feel happier...for some reason.

I open the door and enter the office. "Jack, what're you doing here?" Will asks and I feel like crying. Not because he doesn't want me here or anything, but because I keep thinking about what Jimmy did earlier. I thought I had gotten over it, but apparently not. I mean, Will's cast me out of his office _plenty_ of times; why would it upset me now?

"Well, Will, if you don't want me here, I'll just go." I turn and make to leave. For a moment, I don't think that Will is going to try and stop me until I hear "Wait."

I turn around and look at Will, who has stood up from his desk. "I'm sorry, Jack. What is it? You look upset."

"Well, who wouldn't be upset if their so-called best friend just blew them off?" I snap, and I feel tears burning in my eyes. No, I'm not going to cry, not here in Will's office. God, how embarrassing!

I feel something touch me and I twitch. Oh, it's just Will. Trying to give me a hug like a hug will make everything okay. Well, it couldn't hurt. I lean into Will's hug and let his arms envelope me. He's so warm and soft and I rest my forehead on his shoulder and just start crying.

Oh my God, I can't believe I'm crying! Oh, and Will's going to want to know what's the matter and I can't tell him that Jimmy hit me, because then Will will tell me to break up with him and I can't! I love Jimmy! I love him!

"Jack, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Will asks, and he sounds so confused that I want to keep crying but I am able to stop (somehow).

"...Jimmy and I can't go out tonight," I begin, wiping away the tears. "Something...terrible happened. Jimmy's sister was in an accident." Wow, that lie came really quickly. Mental note: tell Jimmy that he now has a sister and that she's now hurt.

"Oh, Jack, what happened? Is she all right?" I love how Will sounds like he actually knows her. Not that he could...because she's _not real_. I can't believe he believes me.

"She will be, but she'll never walk again." Wow, I'm evil. Well, not _so_ evil. I could've let her die, after all. All of this lying makes me feel normal again. Thank God.

"Oh, that's terrible! Please tell Jimmy how sorry I am," Will says gently. "Did you even know her?" he adds, like he finally figured out that this was all a lie.

"Well, no, but Jimmy was so heartbroken that I feel like I _did_ know her," I reply, swallowing. Oh God, am I going to cry _again?_ What's wrong with me? My emotions are going _crazy_! I'm like Grace during her period.

"I'm going to go. Jimmy needs me," I say and I leave Will's office, leaving Will standing there looking so distraught that, once I finally get into the hallway and close the door behind me, I burst into tears again.

Why is this happening to be? I'm going crazy or something. This can't be normal, after all! And now I've got to get back to Jimmy. He's waiting for me at home and I don't want him thinking that Will and I are doing something right now.

God only knows what would happen if he thought _that_.

* * *

"...and then I told him that she'd never be able to walk again," I finish. I hope that Jimmy will buy into this. Not that he has much of a choice; I've already told Will, after all.

"So, now, whenever I see Will or Grace or anyone, I've got to act like my sister's just gotten into an accident and she'll never walk again?" he asks, and I nod. "Okay, I can do that, but you shouldn't have lied to Will."

Oh no, is he serious? This is not going to be good. Please don't hurt me; I'll start crying again.

"That was a _bad_ thing to do, Jackie. Lying is _always_ bad." He stands up from the couch and begins to walk toward me, and I know what's coming.

"But...but I had to lie! I didn't want to tell him that you...that you hit me!" I explain, hoping that it will convince him.

He stops in his tracks, as though considering this. "That's true. You don't want _that_, do you?" He smiles that smile and I walk over to him, my heart flying.

"No. I don't," I reply and he wraps his arms around me in a cozy embrace. As much as I hate to think about it, Will was so much warmer and softer when he gave me that hug earlier. There was something so comfortable about it...

No, I can't think about stuff like that. Jimmy would kill me. He already hates Will (he doesn't have to say it; I can tell), so this would just piss him off even more. But I love Jimmy. I really do. He's everything I've ever wanted, minus the hitting, of course.

The next thing I know I'm up against the wall and Jimmy's lips are pressed against mine and his hand's fumbling over the zipper of my pants and then I feel so much pain that I start to cry again, and I want to die there's so much pain and all I want is Will, to hold me, to hug me, to tell me everything will be okay and I see his face in my mind when Jimmy collapses on me...and then I sleep...

And nothing changes.

_To Be Continued..._


	4. Chapter Four

Disclaimer-I own nothing. The show belongs to its creators.

Author's Note-Thanks go out to the reviewers of Chapter Three: "Katie," Stacy-comedy, Frilly Pineapple, "all4christ0398," "Fiddlesticks," "Alicia," Luna Seraph, Phoenix281, Karens Chanel Sling Backs, "Katie11," MattKensethFan, and "Lindsey."

Also, I'm sorry for the delay with this chapter., and I'm also sorry that it's so short. I was really getting into one of my other stories and…anyway, enough rambling. I hope you enjoy and please review!

* * *

Black Mirror

By: Lamia Astaroth

* * *

Clarity of mind means clarity  
of passion, too; this is why a  
great and clear mind loves ardently  
and sees distinctly what it loves.  
-Blaise Pascal

Love is everything it's cracked up  
to be…It really is worth fighting for,  
being brave for, risking everything for.  
-Erica Jong

Can't you see there's a madman working  
He's putting in overtime. Too content  
with the sweet scent of denial  
You're oblivious to the signs.  
-Suicidal Tendencies "Where's The Truth"

Watching me, wanting me  
I can feel you pull me down  
Fearing you, loving you  
I won't let you pull me down  
-Evanescence "Haunted"

* * *

**CHAPTER FOUR**

I can't stop crying. What am I going to do? I mean, what _can_ I do? It's not like I can just leave. Jimmy'll find me. He knows everything. At least, that's what he told me after we "made love." Or, more rather, after _he_ finished making love _to_ me.

Actually, I can't even call it making love. It was just sex. Nothing more, nothing less (well, maybe a _little_ bit less). But I can't just go along on my merry way pretending it never happened. Pretending that he doesn't hit me.

I wish that I could stop crying. I also wish that I could just leave Jimmy's bathroom and go look for my clothes, but I can't do that either. He might wake up and I'll get in trouble for waking him up early on his one day off during the week. He doesn't like that.

So there's nothing else I can do. Just sit here naked on the cold floor of Jimmy's bathroom. Thank God I was able to crawl in here before I started bawling.

Oh, well, would you look at that? A nice purple bruise on my arm. My first sex injury with Jimmy. I would maybe appreciate it more had it been unintentional. But, hey, that's what I get for trying to be "too controlling in bed," as Jimmy had put it.

But just because I did something "bad" didn't mean that he could just throw me against the night stand, did it? Well, there's nothing I can do about it now, so why dwell on it?

Because it _hurts_, that's why! Come on, Jack, you know perfectly well that what he's doing isn't right…you should tell someone. Will, for instance. He's a lawyer, after all. He knows things.

No, I can't go to _Will_…not after last night. And I'm not talking about the sex thing…I'm talking about _afterward_. After the sex, before I went into the bathroom. I can't go to him after I thought what I thought!

Okay, flashback: Jimmy had just fallen asleep and I was lying on top of the covers, still wondering if what I think had happened had _really happened!_ And that's when I had first started crying. Not sobbing, just a tear here and there. And that's when I thought it:

_Why can't Will be here and save me? Why can't he help me? Why does he have to love Vince and why doesn't he love me?_

That's when I started bawling. I crawled into the bathroom and just cried and cried because now I know something that I thought I had forgotten. I love Will. Not just the _Oh, hee hee, bestest friends forever_ way, either. I don't know what brought it on! I guess it's always been there, but when he turned me down all those years ago, I tried to forget, and I did…but all of these things that have been happening made me remember.

_I love Will Truman_. I want to say it out loud but Jimmy will kill me. He really will. _But I love him so much, but he doesn't love me!_

Oh God, I'm crying again. Why does everything have to be so…bad? And now I have to keep this away from so many people…no one can find out how I feel about Will. It'll get back to Jimmy and I don't want to die so young and so…

Usually I would have thought "beautiful," but now I know. I'm anything but.

I'm alone. All I've got is a crazy, hitting boyfriend.

And a best friend who I happen to love.

It's a good thing I'm afraid of dying young, or else I'd kill myself…

"Jackie?" A voice interrupts my thoughts. It's not the voice I want to hear, though. It's Jimmy. My crazy, beautiful Jimmy. "Are you ready to go again?" his teasing voice asks.

_No!_ my mind answers, but my mouth is not as willing: "I'll be out in a minute," I reply, hoping that my crying hasn't affected my voice at all. It doesn't sound like it did.

"Okay, I'll be waiting in the bed." I push myself to my feet and make my way toward the door. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and freeze. Oh God, no…a black eye. I have a black eye. Shit, when did that happen? I can't remember…oh God, oh no, there's no way I can hide_ this_. The bruise on my arm, sure, but not this!

"Jackie!" Jimmy calls and I tell him to "wait a sec!" What am I going to tell my friends, because I know they'll ask….what am I going to tell Will? What am I going to tell _him?_

I can't just say, _"Oh, Jimmy hit me and I love you."_ He'll think I'm crazy and he'll tell me to get the hell away from him and…no, no more crying. Breathe, Jack…Jimmy's waiting…

I open the bathroom door and walk back into the bedroom. And, this time, I know it for sure: _I love Will._

Interesting how the worst of events can bring on the strangest of feelings.

"Okay, I've gotta go," I tell Jimmy, after I (finally!) get dressed. I make towards the door and I think I'm out…to safety! To Will…yea!

"Where're you going, Jackie?" Jimmy asks, and I freeze. Why can't he just let me leave? I'm a big boy; I know what I'm doing!

"I'm going to see Karen," I reply, but I'm lying. I've got to see Will. Not to tell him about my feelings for him, God no, but I've got to see him! His devilish charm and those piercing eyes and occasional touch, you never know what it means…ah, Will… (1)

Wow, I find out that I'm in love with him and all of a sudden I'm thinking about him in ways that used to disgust me.

My lie must've been convincing, because Jimmy nods, gives me a kiss (_way_ too much tongue; I nearly gagged), and sent me on my way like a mother sending her schoolgirl off to…school.

In the elevator, I am becoming more and more aware of my eye. It feels like it's swelling. Ugh, I hate that feeling--it's like I can actually _feel_ it growing larger and puffier. So gross. But I can't touch it or rub it; I learned that while I was a nurse. Rubbing makes it worse or something, I don't know.

I've got to say, I'm a little bit nervous about seeing Will. Not that anyone wouldn't be nervous about seeing someone that they're in love with, but I'm also afraid that I'm going to blab everything about Jimmy. Because I'm too scared to tell...

* * *

I knock on the door to Will's office. I'm fidgeting with my hands and I'm worried about what he'll say about my eye and...and...

"Come in," he calls and I want to tell him everything, but no; I will stay strong. I'm strong...no matter what Jimmy says, I'm strong!

I open the door to Will's office. His head is bowed over his desk and he's scribbling something down. He's so cute when he's working...stop! Focus! I'm just glad that he's not looking at me. I might cry again, and I don't think he would like that...

He glances up quickly. "Hey Jack," he greets, quickly looking back down at his work. Okay, he didn't notice the black eye. I should be relieved but I'm not...I kind of want his sympathy. I want him to hug me and tell me that it'll be okay...

But to get _that_ kind of sympathy, I'd basically be committing suicide. Jimmy _will_ kill me if he found out how I'm feeling about Will. He'd tear me apart and then toss me into a fire. I'm not exaggerating; he really would do that!

"So, Will," I begin. My voice is shaking! Calm down, Jack, it's no big thing. He's your best friend. Just talk normally...small talk...you can do it! "What're you doing?" There we go, that sounded normal.

"I'm working, Jack...that's what I do here," he replies, rather shortly, "I _work._"

Okay, now I'm beginning to get angry. Any good friend would notice right off the bat if their friend had a black eye and was acting differently. Although, if he hasn't noticed that I'm acting differently, it's because I've just done such a goodjobpretending...

"Will," I say, "look at me."

"Can't, Jack, I'm working. I can't stop until I've finished this report, which could take a while." He still refuses to look up. I've done everything besides _beg_, practically, and he won't look at me!

"Will, please," I beg, my voice cracking slightly. I'm going to cry again, I just know it. I don't want to cry, but I will. "I need your help..."

Will sighs deeply, then looks up, meets my eyes...and freezes. Thank you, you noticed? What do I have to do to get attention from you anymore? Grow about five more inches and go through puberty two more times to get my voice deeper? Wow, love hurts...

"Jack, oh my God, what happened to you?" he asks, standing up from his desk and walking over to where I'm standing.

Uh-oh. That's right. Now I'm either going to have to lie to him or tell him the truth, tell him everything--minus my love for him. "I-I..." I stammer, swallowing. He looks at me and I can feel that he cares and I know that he will help me, but I don't know if I can tell him...

"Jack, what happened?" he asks again, seriously. I stare into his eyes a moment longer and then..._bam!_ Tears are flowing, I'm crying again (third time today, and it's only ten o'clock in the morning), and I won't stop until he holds me and comforts me and loves me...

In other words, I'll never stop crying.

"Will, I have to tell you something..." I say, tears streaming down my face. I sniff, wiping away the trails of the tears with my hand. Oh my God, I can't believe I'm actually going to tell him this! "...and it's important," I add, as though he can't tell by the way I'm crying.

"What is it, Jack?" he asks, softly, wrapping his arms around me in a comfort embrace and I sigh into his shoulder, hugging him back, and I wish that he could love me, I only _wish_ that he could see how perfect we are together...

"I..."

_To Be Continued…_

_

* * *

_

(1) – I got the quote: "…His devilish charm and those piercing eyes and occasional touch, you never know what it means…ah, Will…" from the _Will & Grace_ episode, "Queens for a Day." It was such a good quote that I couldn't resist. Will & Jack forever! I leave you with that…please review.


	5. Chapter Five

Disclaimer-I own nothing. The show belongs to its creators.

Author's Note-Wow, you guys! I haven't updated in so long! I had major writer's block for this story. In fact, the writer's block was so bad, I almost considering putting this on a long-term hiatus. Thankfully, one day, I broke free! Yea!

Thanks go out to my reviewers: Phoenix281, "Fiddlesticks,"all4christ0398, Luna Seraph, MattKensethFan, "Steph," Frilly Pineapple, "Lyndsay," Sango-Kadie, Karens Chanel Sling Backs, Stacy-comedy, SeventeenthAngelOfTheSixthHour, Walnutwhip, Jetblack4, and "katie11."

* * *

Black Mirror

By: Lamia Astaroth

* * *

The truth is often a terrible  
weapon of aggression. It  
is possible to lie, and even  
to murder, with the truth.  
-Alfred Adler

How do you pick up the  
threads of an old life? How  
do you go on, when in your  
heart you begin to understand:  
there is no going back? There  
are some things that time cannot  
mend; some hurts that go too  
deep, that have taken hold.  
-Frodo: _The Return of the King_

I'm frightened by what I see  
But somehow I know that  
there's much more to come  
Immobilized by my fear  
And soon to be blinded by tears  
I can stop the pain if I will it all away.  
-Evanescence "Whisper"

* * *

**CHAPTER FIVE**

_"I...it's Jimmy," I say. "Jimmy's the one who hit me. He's done it so many times and it hurts so bad"_

_"Oh, God, Jack," he says, his eyes wide; so wide that the white is completely surrounding his eyes. "I'm so sorry. I..." He reaches toward me and pulls me into a tight embrace. "This shouldn't have happened to you," he whispers, breathing in a loud, shuddering sigh._

_"There's more," I whisper back, wrapping my arms around him as though I'm afraid he'll leave me. "I love you. I realized it after Jimmy started...hitting me. I think I never stopped. Loving you, I mean. I really love you. More than anything."_

_He pulls back and looks at me as though he is unsure whether it was a joke or not. After a moment, his face relaxes, and he smiles. "Oh, Jack...it feels so good to hear you say that. Because...I broke up with Vince, because I realized that I love you, too. I just never wanted to admit it, because, well, it's you. My best friend. But I can't deny something like this anymore, Jack. I love you."_

_Tears of joy fill my eyes and he quickly wipes them away for me. "I've waited so long to hear you say that to me." He smiles softly, then leans in slowly. My heart races as his lips near mine. Soon they are so close that I can actually feel the heat coming off of them..._

_Finally, everything will be okay..._

Something cool is blowing in my face. "Jack?" Will's voice. He sounds worried. Everything's really dark; when did that happen? Oh, my eyes are closed. That would explain it. I try to open my eyes, but they feel almost too heavy. "Jack, are you all right?" Will asks. I'll try to open my eyes again, just so I can see his face.

My eyelids slide open and I am greeted with the sight of his face. He is so close that it would take little to no energy to simply reach up and kiss him with all my soul, but I feel too tired for that. Another cool gust of wind brushes my face; Will is fanning me with a piece of paper-it looks like one of his documents.

I'm on the floor of Will's office. What happened? Did I pass out? Oh, God, if I passed out, in front of Will, no less, I'll probably die of embarrassment. I open my mouth to say something, anything, but nothing comes out but a dry gasp.

"Wait here," Will says, standing up from his crouching position. "I'll get you some water." He hurries out of his office before I can either nod or shake my head in response.

I suppose I must have fainted, or else Will wouldn't be acting so...concerned. My eye is throbbing; I can actually feel each beat of my heart in my eye, it hurts so badly. I struggle to sit up, but only get a few inches off the floor before I am forced to lie down again. I am dead tired. But I guess that'll happen when your boyfriend wants to do nothing but "make hot, steamy love" all night.

"I'm back," Will says as he comes back into his office holding, in one hand, a small paper cup. "Can you sit up?" he asks. Instantly, I shake my head no. I won't even try to sit up again for a while. "Okay." Gently, he slides his left hand under the back of my head and lifts it up slightly. He then presses the edge of the paper cup to my lips, allowing me to sip some of the water.

After I swallow, I feel my voice returning. "Thanks," I croak, then clear my throat. I feel so comfortable with him taking care of me, all embarrassment of passing out is (almost) forgotten.

"What happened?" he asks, helping me into a sitting-up position. Well, bright side, I actually _can_ sit up without falling back to the floor. It still feel a little dizzy, though.

"I don't know," I reply. The response comes out as a whisper, and my eyes drop down to the floor. I can't look at him when I'm like this. It's too hard. Because I know that he cares, and just thinking about it makes me feel like…like I don't deserve his sympathy.

I mean, I can't even tell _him_-my best friend _and_ the love of my life (wow, never thought I'd ever say those words)-that my boyfriend is…hurting me. But, on the other hand, I don't want to lose Jimmy. As much as it pains me to admit it, I still really care for him. Ugh, if anyone heard me say that, they'd slap me upside the head and call me the most screwed up queer they've ever met.

"You sure?" Will asks, looking at me as though he can tell I'm lying. And why shouldn't he know when I'm lying? We've known each other for so long...it's almost amazing that he can't tell what's happening to me now.

"Yeah. Positive," I say with a smile; it takes so much energy to force the smile that it almost hurts my jaw. "I'm just tired. Too much...excitement last night."

"Whoa," Will says, holding up his hands to stop me. "I've heard enough. I think I got it." He smiles at me, but I can see in his eyes that he still doesn't believe me when I say that I don't know what's bothering me. "That shiner tells me enough about your sex life as it is," he adds, and the way he's staring at my eye makes me uncomfortable.

"Yeah," I mumble, covering the bruise with my hands. "He's such an animal." _The type of animal that kills and eats its mate_, my mind adds, and I swallow.

"Right." Will clears his throat uncomfortably. "Are you feeling better? Do you feel like you can stand?" he asks and I nod. He gets to a standing up position and holds his hands down to me, palms up. I take his hands with mine and he pulls me up. I sway a bit when I put all my weight on my feet, but luckily I have him here to keep me standing. He's the one keeping me from falling, in more ways than just one.

"You're really okay?" Will asks, and I can see what he's really thinking in his dark eyes: _It isn't like you to do something like this, no matter _how_ late you were up._

"Yeah, of course. I'm fabulous," I say, throwing my hands into the air and grinning at him. It's my attempt at being my old self-Old Jack. Rather than Broken Jack, which I have now ended up as. If only it was the type of break that people other than the owner can see.

He chuckles, shaking his head at me and crossing his arms. "I can tell," he says. "So," He turns and walks back over to his desk and plops down in the chair, "how's Jimmy's sister doing?"

Who? Oh…right. "She's…getting better. But she's in a lot of pain. Or, _was_ in a lot of pain; the nurses drugged her up so that she would…sleep." Wow, for some reason, all of that nurse lingo escapes me. Maybe it's because Will is just so distracting to me.

"Well, that's good. Tell her 'Get well' for me, would you?" he asks, and his kindness toward my fictional character makes my heart swell up in my chest. He can be so oblivious sometimes, but also so, so sweet.

"Sure, although she probably won't understand. She's got enough drugs in her to stop a charging fan at an NSync concert." NSync? I'm so out of it, I can't even come up with a recent, good band? There really is something wrong with me.

Obviously Will notices this out-of-character reference as well; he cocks an eyebrow at me and looks at me with those dark doe eyes of his. "You sure you're all right?" he asks, carefully, as though he expects me to bolt out of the room if he asks the question too sternly. "After all, it's not like you to reference NSync in this day and age."

"I know," I reply, still trying to maintain my "Don't worry about me, I'm fine" stature. "I guess when I fell, something just…got all mixed up."

"All right," he says after a moment of silence, his voice covered with suspicion at my behavior. "Anyway, when are you and Jimmy going to go on that double date with me and Vince?" he asks, in a desperate attempt to save this conversation from complete awkwardness.

"I don't know," I say, shrugging my shoulders. "Maybe…soon. I'll talk to Jimmy about it and see when he's got a free day."

"Great!" Will sounds genuinely happy and this makes me wish that I could convince Jimmy that there's nothing in between Will and me. If only that were true…carrying feelings for your best friend is really hard to do, because there's no real way to avoid them. There always _there_, taunting you with their hotness and their love…their _friendship_ love, might I add.

Maybe someday my love will fade back into friendship love, or Will's love with shift into _love_ love. As I look into Will's eyes, I can honestly say that…both of the choices seem unlikely.

"I've gotta go," I mumble, turning away from Will. "I'll see you."

"Bye Jack," he replies, and I leave his office, shutting the door behind me, taking my lies and secrets with me.

* * *

"Jimmy!" I call as I open the door to my apartment. I secretly hope that he is not here; I'm still exhausted and there will be no getting to sleep with him around. Even with all of the battering, he's still got a way of maintaining that sex appeal he has. "You here" Maybe it was a mistake giving him the key to my apartment... 

"Jackie!" Jimmy calls out to me, stumbling into view from the bedroom. His eyes are half-closed and glazed over. And they don't seem to be focusing. "You're home" he says, happily, and his words are slurred together. He stumbles over to me, with some difficulty, and embraces me. He smells like whiskey. It's not even noon yet and he's practically passed out; I can see it in his eyes.

He's never been drunk before; at least, not since we've been dating. Sure, he's had drinks, but I've never seen him hammered before. "Jimmy, have...have you been drinking" I ask, pulling back to look at him. He gives me a guilty look and I say"You have. But...it's so early. Why"

"I felt bad" he mumbles. "About what I did. I can't believe I did it. I was just so mad, and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, Jackie."

I smile. I had been so sure that he had been completely oblivious to his hitting, but maybe, just maybe, it _was_ a one-time thing. He seems so genuinely upset by it, even in spite of the alcohol. "It's okay, Jimmy. I'm just glad you apologized. The bruise'll go away."

He smiles back at me, his eyes twinkling gratefully. "I'm so glad I have you, Jackie," he says, leaning in and capturing my mouth beneath his. He tastes like alcohol-even worse than Karen, which frightens me the most-and it makes me feel nauseous. It feels like I would be able to get drunk off of his saliva. "God, I want you so bad," he whispers in my ear.

My stomach clenches. "I...I can't. Not now; you're drunk, Jimmy. And I'm really tired from last night..."

"So bad..." He slowly sticks his hand down the front of my pants and my stomach flip-flops uncontrollably. I don't want this. I don't want this.

_Tell him!_ my mind shouts at me. "...no" I whisper, pulling away slightly. He does not respond; his hand stays where it is and he continues to suck on my neck. "No" I say again, louder this time, and more clearly. Again, he does not respond. "No" I shout, pulling away from him. "I said no, Jimmy"

He pulls his hand away and looks at me in confusion. "What? What did you say?" he asks, his words slurred so badly that it all sounds like one long word.

_Don't be afraid of him, Jack, _I tell myself. _Will would be ashamed of you if you just took this from him_. "I said no," I reply, trying my hardest to sound both angry and stern. "I don't want to, and you have no right trying to make me. Now-" I add, folding my arms over my chest "-I'm going to go to sleep. I'll see you in a few hours. Hopefully you'll be sober by then."

I begin to walk toward my bedroom when he grabs me by the arm. His fingers dig into my arm and his fingernails puncture my skin. "I've got no right?" he repeats, his voice soft, yet unbelievably furious. "I have _every_ right, you goddamn little _shit_." He pulls me by the arm so that we are face to face. His eyes are blazing with fire, and my heart is pounding so loudly in my chest that it's a wonder he can't hear it.

"Jimmy, don't. Please. I'm so tired..." I look at him and try to make my "sad yet adorable" face, but, for the first time in my life, it fails me. His furious expression does not change, and his grip on my arm actually tightens.

"I don't give a _shit_ if you're tired!" he snaps. "You can't tell me what rights I have! You're _mine_; don't you _get_ it? You should give me a little fucking _respect!_" He squeezes on my arm so hard that tears spring to my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, as I blink back the tears. "I'm just so tired. I'm sorry, Jimmy." It's all a lie, of course. I don't feel sorry at all. He should be the one gravelling to _me_, after all he's done. How did everything get so messed up?

The fury in his eyes wavers a little, and I take this as a hint that I can go. I begin to walk away, toward the bedroom, but he yanks back on my arm, hard, and throws me down to the ground. With his hand still wrapped tightly around my forearm, he stoops over me and growls, "Don't...walk...away from...me."

I open my mouth to say that I thought it was okay to go to bed, but, before I can get so much as a sound out, his opposite hand appears out of nowhere and makes contact with my jaw. "I'm sorry," I murmur, closing my eyes tightly. I just want this all to be over. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

To my amazement, his grip loosens and then his hand disappears from my arm. I open my eyes and see him still standing above me, his hands at his sides. "It's okay," he says, sounding partially sane. "You made a mistake-we all do-but don't make any more today."

I'll try not to. My face is burning and my eye is throbbing, as is my forearm. "I won't," I promise, and then begin to scoot away from him. I want to get to my bedroom. I want to sleep. He does not move, so I assume that it is all right for me to go. I get to my feet and, slowly, begin to walk toward the bedroom.

"One question, though," he says, so suddenly that my heart jumps. I turn around to look at him, waiting for his question. I just hope I get the answer right. "Where were you this morning?"

"With Will." The response comes out so fast that I didn't even have time to think about it. As soon as the words fall out of my mouth, I instantly regret it. Jimmy doesn't seem to like Will; I don't want him angry. His eyes narrow and I begin to panic. "I-I mean...I was...I..."

"Will? I knew it. You always want to be with him. You still love him." Wow, he got _that_ right on the money.

"No," I say, shaking my head wildly. "I don't! I just…I wanted to see my-my friend! Why won't you let me spend time with…with him?" I'm talking uncontrollably fast, but I can't help it. He looks so mad and I know what happens when he looks mad.

"Because," he says, moving so close to me that, under any other circumstances, it would've been very romantic, "there's obviously something between you-"

"No!" I say. "No, there isn't! I may have had feelings for Will, back when I was in _high school-_" I say those two words loudly and very carefully, "-but they're gone now! And as for Will, he _never_ felt that way about me. _Never_. And he…never will." Tears dance around the inside of my eyes, threatening to spring up, but I hold them down. "Never," I add, hoping he is convinced.

His eyes are still narrowed, and he is still standing close to me. His hands reach up and grab each of my upper arms with an almost extraordinary amount of strength. "Don't lie to me, Jack," he snarls, pulling me closer, so that my eyes have no other choice but to be locked with his. "I watched the way he looked at you the night I met him. There's something there. You may not realize it, but _I_ sure as hell do!"

Really? Will looks at me…the way I look at him? Maybe Jimmy's delusional; I've never seen Will look at me like _that_ before. There's always been that caring, soft look, but…nothing more. At least, none that _I've_ noticed. "I-I," I stammer, not knowing what to say. My eyes tear away from his, looking for something, anything, else to stare at.

"I'm right. You know I am," he says. "You shouldn't doubt me, Jackie. I can understand people. I _know_ people. You still love Will."

I sigh inwardly. There's no real denying it, is there? I nod. "I always have, I guess," I mumble under my breath. "He's been there for me for so long. But, trust me, Jimmy, I have _no_ intention of acting on my-"

"Damn right you don't!" he shouts, giving me a rough shake. Luckily, my feet are planted firmly on the carpet, so the shaking does no more than toss my head slightly. "You say he's been there for you? Well, Jackie, _I'm_ here for you now. _I'll_ give you more than he _ever_ will! I'll at least admit that I love you!"

His shouting is burning my ears and echoing through my mind. But he's right. He _does_ give me more than Will. Will never gave me this kind of love before. As much as it pains me, I can never lose my Jimmy. He's the only one who's loved me like this. Who's fought for me so much…

"You're right," I whisper, looking back into Jimmy's sky blue eyes. They're twinkling with an unsettling hysteria that makes my heart skip a few beats.

"That's right. Thank you, Jackie." He sounds so calm; how can his face look so _angry_? "But you still love him?" he asks, but it sounds like a rhetorical question, so I keep my mouth shut. "Dammit, I asked you a _question_!" he shouts, and throws me against the wall.

My shoulder hits the wall first, and the _thump_ echoes throughout the apartment. My wrist follows closely, smacking against the wall so loudly that I could've sworn I heard the walls cracking. Suddenly, a blinding pain shoots up my wrist and up my arm. I don't think it was the wall I heard cracking.

"Oh God," I murmur, holding my wrist tightly in my hand. "Oh…Jesus…" My eyes are watering from the pain. It must look like I'm crying, because Jimmy comes over to me and hugs me tightly.

"Jackie," he whispers. "You hurt your wrist. I'll get you some ice." He lets go of me and dashes to the freezer. I watch as he takes some ice from the ice tray and places it into a towel. He brings the ice-filled towel over to me and holds it against my wrist. "That looks like it's going to swell pretty bad," he tells me. Yeah, I could've figured _that_ one out on my own, thanks. "Does it hurt bad?"

"Yeah," I reply through clenched teeth. I still cannot believe what he just said: _"You hurt your wrist."_ I hurt my wrist? _I_ hurt my wrist? No, Jimmy, _you_ hurt my wrist! Why can't he see that _he's_ the one doing this, not me? What happened to my kind, beautiful Jimmy?

"I can make it feel better," he says, smiling suggestively. The anger in his face is gone, same goes for his eyes. He wants sex; anyone could see that.

I open my mouth to say no; my wrist hurts too much to do anything, but I hear my voice saying, "Okay." He takes me by my other hand and leads me to the bedroom, his eyes sparkling with desire and joy at getting what he wanted. And I guess he always will get what he wants. I'm too scared to say no anymore.

Making love with Jimmy isn't what it was the first time. We aren't equals anymore. There's no more respect; it's all about him being satisfied. And there's not a lot of pleasure for me. It's mostly pain or just…nothing.

And I'm starting to feel nothing more and more.

Broken Jack doesn't like sex as much as Old Jack did.

_To Be Continued…_


	6. Chapter Six

Disclaimer-I own nothing. The show belongs to its creators.

Author's Note-Many, many thanks to "Lyndsay," Sango-Kadie, all4christ0398, Stacy-comedy, Frilly Pineapple, Sundown, "katie11," DeathRealm, VeganHippie, "Erica," One-Eyed-Wannabe, and "Jumato" for reviewing! Thanks so much!

If I haven't said this before, here it is: if you're a Will/Jack fan, please join the willnjack LiveJournal group. The link's on my profile, along with a link to the slashchallenges group. Sorry for promoting here; I'm trying to pimp the communities. So, yeah...enjoy the chapter! I really liked this chapter; hope you do, too!

* * *

Black Mirror

By: Lamia Astaroth

* * *

There are people whom one  
loves immediately and forever.  
Even to know they are alive in the  
world with one is quite enough.  
-Nancy Spain

Victory attained by violence  
is tantamount to a defeat,  
for it is momentary.  
-Mahatma Gandhi

I close my eyes when I get too sad  
I think thoughts that I know are bad  
Close my eyes and I count to ten  
Hope it's over when I open them.  
-Everclear "Wonderful"

I want it all to go away, I  
want to be alone. Sympathy's  
wasted on my hollow shell. I  
feel there's nothing left to fight  
for, no reason for a cause.  
-Sarah McLaughlin "Lost"

* * *

**CHAPTER SIX**

"Morning, Jackie." I open my eyes and see Jimmy, clad in his work outfit, kneeling beside me on the bed. "Sleep well?" he asks, kissing me on the forehead.

I rub at my eyes. My left eye doesn't hurt as much as it did before. Hopefully the swelling's done down. And maybe the bruise is going away. That would make for a perfect beginning of the day. "Yeah," I mumble, sitting upright in the bed. I look down at my naked body and see that all of the marks on my chest have begun to fade. Thank God for that.

"Hey," he says, tossing me my pants. I didn't even need to ask; it's almost unbelievable how well he can read me. As much as he scares me, I still can't help but love him. "Why don't you come in to work with me today? You can meet my friends. Since I've already met yours." His eyes flash with an unsettling anger, but it disappears so fast that I think I might have imagined it.

"Well..." I want to say no, but I know what could--no, _will_ happen if I do. I force a smile and nod. "That sounds great. I'd love to, Jimmy."

He smiles back at me and I relax. "Thank you, Jackie. That means a lot to me." He leans in and I pull back.

"Don't you think I should get dressed?" I ask. When he raises an eyebrow, I add, "You know...I don't want you to be late to work again."

Jimmy smiles, then runs his hand through my hair and down the back of my head until his hand is resting on the back of my neck. "Oh, Jackie...you're always thinking of me," he says, and I shrug.

"I love you," I say. _I wish I had told Will yesterday,_ I think, swallowing. _Then I could be with _him_ instead of here with Jimmy...well, if he wasn't with Vince I would be._

"And I love you." He climbs off of the bed and leans over for a moment. When he stands up again, he is holding my clothes in his hands. He tosses them at me, saying, "Quickly, Jackie. I want to get there before anyone else so that you're the first one they see when they arrive."

I pick up the clothes, hold them up to my face, and inhale deeply. They smell like sweat. Sweat and fear. I grimace, but I hide it with the clothes. "Jimmy?" I say, lowering the shirt and pants down to my lap. "Do you have any clothes I could wear? These smell like...sex," I say, not wanting to say what they _really _smell like.

He raises an eyebrow at me. He doesn't believe me, I can see it. "Jackie, if clothes smelling like sex bothers you that much, maybe you should start getting undressed faster. It took you forever to get your pants off last night."

Well, yeah, Jimmy. I hate making love to you now. I keep picturing Will, and then I think that you can tell I'm picturing Will and I get scared. Sex scares me. God, this New Jack isn't as exciting as the Old Jack. Of course, New Jack is just as cute as Old Jack. But that's beside the point; New Jack is _scared_ to have sex. How...terrible.

"Can I just borrow some clothes, please?" I ask, widening my eyes and jutting out my bottom lip. "I don't want to wear the same clothes two days in a row. Puh-_leeze_?" I cock my head at him, giving him my best "I'm so cute; do what I want" face. It's actually the same face I use to get Will to pay for my bills. But Jimmy doesn't need to know that.

Jimmy chuckles, shaking his head. "Oh, you know I can't resist you, Jackie. I think I might have something for you. What do you want?"

"You choose," I reply, saying exactly what I assume he wants to hear. He likes being in charge...all the time.

He grins. "Okay. I'll be right back. I've got something that'll make all of my co-workers want you. Even the straight ones."

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go get it!" He nods, then turns and walks to his closet. I'm impressed with myself right now. I'm acting so _normal_. It's almost like when Jimmy and I were first dating; before I learned that he likes to hit. Just us teasing each other, having a good time. This is the Jimmy I love to be with...he's the one I love so much and the one that makes me forget all about Will. Well, almost.

"Here it is," Jimmy says, coming out from his closet. As he lays the clothes out on the bed, I reach down to the floor, grab my boxers, and pull them on. I then climb out of bed and stand next to Jimmy at the foot of the bed.

Laid out on the bed is a white collared shirt and a pair of dark blue denim jeans. "I think you'll look perfect in this," he says, wrapping his arm around my waist. He pulls me against him and rests his forehead against the side of my head. "You _do_ smell like sex," he whispers.

"Thanks Jimmy," I say, looking at the jeans and shirt. "This'll be perfect. But are you sure it's not too casual for your workplace?"

"Why? Do you usually dress up when you go to Will's workplace or something?" he asks and I freeze. "I'm just trying to relate it to your life, Jackie," he says, and the almost sadistic way he says it makes me nervous. Is he trying to make me feel guilty?

"No," I reply, shaking my head. "I don't. I just don't want to get you in trouble. I love you," I add, feeling the moment was necessary for me to proclaim my "love" for him.

"Sometimes I wonder who you _really_ love, Jackie," he says, his fingers piercing into my side as he pulls me closer. "Sometimes I wonder a _lot_," he hisses into my ear.

"I love you," I say again. My mouth is dry, as is my throat. I try to swallow but I can't. I don't like the way he's beginning to change. It's like the Hulk or something. There's even a big green (eyed) monster involved.

"That's good, Jackie," he says, "but I still can't be sure. You worry me. You said that you cheated on your last boyfriend. What was his name? Stewie?"

"Stuart. Yeah, I did. But he was--I didn't love him--"

"You told me you did. What's to stop you from cheating on _me_, Jackie?" His eyes are gleaming. I'm going to be sick. "You aren't trustworthy. Apparently, from what I've heard, you've done over half the city of New York."

My eyes are burning. I want to cry so badly but it feels like my whole upper body is completely dry. Why does he have to bring this up? To make me feel guilty? To make me feel bad? Because he _is_. "Don't--"

"Don't what, Jackie?"

"Don't say that. I--I just--please, don't. You're making me feel so bad--"

"Am I, Jackie? Well, you've made me feel bad, too. Your love for Will hurts me a lot."

"I don't...love...Will!" I blurt out, taking deep breaths between each of the words. To my ears, it sounds like I'm telling the truth, but on the inside, it hurts so, so bad to lie about how I feel about Will. I don't want to say that I don't love him. But I have to.

He looks at me a moment; his eyes are piercing into mine, searching my mind, searching my _soul_. "All right, Jackie," he says, sounding unsure. "If you say you don't, I believe you."

I sigh inwardly. I had been so scared there for a moment; he had looked so incredibly angry. "So, I...I guess you don't want me to come to work with you, huh?" I ask, trying my hardest to sound sad and apologetic. I sound more like a child pleading with his parent, though, and knowing this makes my stomach churn.

"No, I do." He takes my hands in his, his thumb gently sliding over the tops of my fingers. "I want you to come. You've just gotta' promise me something."

I swallow. I don't like the sound of this...at all. Because whenever he wants something from me...it always ends up badly. "And what's..." I cough, clearing my throat. "...what's that?"

"You've gotta' promise me that you'll listen better, and that you'll always be faithful. And that you will never, never tell me to do or not to do something. Promise?"

My fingers are shaking, even in spite of the fact that his fingers are wrapped around them. With a lump buried deep in my throat, I nod. "I promise," I whisper.

"Good." He leans forward and presses his lips to mine. His lips are chapped and rough and taste like copper. He breaks away, releasing my hands. "Now get dressed. I'll be waiting out in the kitchen."

"Okay," I reply as he leaves the bedroom. I lick my lips in an attempt to get rid of the feeling and taste he left with me. As I stare down at the outfit Jimmy has chosen for me, I sigh. I feel so trapped, so alone...I can't do anything anymore. Eventually, Jimmy will say that I'm not allowed to see my friends, and then what'll I do? They mean everything to me...and I'll die if I can't see Will again...

But I'm not going to mention any of _that_ to Jimmy; I don't want to put any ideas in his head. Although most of _those_ ideas are probably already in his head...

"Jackie! Are you ready?" Jimmy calls from the other room. I feel myself wince at the sound of his voice.

"Yes!" I call back. "I'm ready. Just hold on a sec; I'll be right out." Quickly, I throw on the chosen clothes and practically sprint out of the bedroom. After all, not five minutes ago, Jimmy made me promise that I'd listen better. I don't want to risk him saying that I'm breaking a promise to him.

"Here I am," I say as I walk into the kitchen. "All ready to go to work."

"That's good," he says, looking me over carefully, as though he does not trust me enough to change into the correct clothing. "You look amazing," he says, his middle and forefinger stroking my arm. "Just let me know if any of my co-workers try to hit on you; I'll make sure to beat them down." He smiles, but I know he's not joking.

"Okay, I will," I promise. But I have no intention of telling Jimmy if someone hits on me. In fact, I highly doubt that any stranger would find me attractive with this shiner. I feel so ugly with it.

"I'm so glad that you're doing this for me, Jackie," he says suddenly. I look at him; it takes me a minute to figure out what he had said. I nod in response.

_I'm not doing it for you, Jimmy_, I think. _I'm doing it for me, and for Will. Because I want to keep seeing him without all the bruises. Because I want to see him and have him not think that I'm ugly. He doesn't deserve to be loved by someone who's ugly; someone like _me.

I feel my eyes aching with the urge to cry, but I hold strong. I won't let myself cry. I don't want to cry anymore. But I guess people don't always get what they want, because I know that I will cry again. Tonight is my guess.

I open my mouth, prepared to ask Jimmy if he's ready to leave when I hear something. It's a high-pitched ringing coming from what sounds like the bedroom. Oh! My cell phone, it sounds like. After all, Jimmy's cell phone certainly wouldn't have "Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves" as its ring tone.

"I...umm, can I...?" I pause, pointing toward the bedroom. Jimmy looks in the direction my finger is pointing, hears my cell phone, and nods.

"Go ahead; just make it short. We're - " He glances at his watch " - seven minutes ahead of schedule, so no longer than that."

"Okay." As I walk to the bedroom, I make sure my face is turned completely away from Jimmy as I roll my eyes. I know I like to talk, but, come on. I wouldn't have a seven minute long conversation on a cell phone - at least not at this hour of the day.

My cell phone is - miraculously - still ringing. I search for a moment, convinced that I'm going to miss the call. I find it buried beneath a pile of clothes. That's when I remember that it had been in one of my pockets last night. In the rush, it must've gotten tossed along with the clothes.

I grab my phone, grimace at the sight of a scratch on the screen - _Thanks a lot, Jimmy _- and press SEND. "Hello?" I say instantly.

"_Hello, Jack? It's Peter."_ Peter? He's my co-worker at OutTV. Why's he calling me? I thought I didn't have to be in until later today.

"Umm, hi. What's going on?"

"_Listen, Jack, we've got a slight problem here. We've having a sort of spur of the moment meeting to dicuss some of the future plans for OutTV and I know you're not supposed to be in 'til later, but...we really need you over here."_

My stomach clenches. I can't go to the meeting. If I do, that means I'll have to break off the plans with Jimmy, and he really had his heart set on it. "Peter, I'd really like to, but..."

"'_But'? What do you mean, 'but'?"_ At any other time, I would have jumped in with a suggestive joke, but I just don't feel up to it anymore. _"Jack, this is really important. The network's coming in and everything. We don't want to ruin OutTV, do we? This is a big step for us; we really need everyone here, and you're kind of important."_

I can't help but grin. Important? _Moi_? Well, thank you, Peter; that really made my day just a little bit better. "Well...okay, sure," I say after a brief pause. "I'll be right over."

"_Thanks, Jack. Sorry about this."_ Peter sounds relieved. Maybe he was going to get fired if he didn't convince me to come. Whoa, Jack, calm down. You're not _that_ important.

"Don't worry. It's not _your_ fault. I'll see you in a little, okay? Bye." I hear Peter reply with a quick "goodbye" before I hang up. I click my teeth together, thinking. I really need to go to this meeting, but I really don't want to say no to Jimmy.

But he knows how much my job means to me. Hopefully, _hopefully_ he'll understand. I mean…he might, he could…couldn't he?

Well, I can't back out of this now. Not after my promise to Peter - although _that_ might've been a mistake on my part.

I leave the bedroom, my cell phone held tightly in my hand. My thumb is sliding against the screen, feeling the scratch. It doesn't seem too deep, nothing to get worried about.

"Jimmy?" I say as I enter the room. He's leaning against the kitchen counter, waiting for me. He looks over at me with a mild interest, asking me to continue. "I…uhh…that was Peter on the phone. From work? And he says that there's this…this meeting today at work and..." I sigh. Just spit it out, Jack. "I can't go with you to work."

There's a pause. Maybe he's okay with this. But then his eyes narrow. Not a good sign. "What do you mean, you can't go?" he says, sounding vaguely like Peter on the phone not long ago. "We had an agreement; a plan."

"I'm sorry, Jimmy, I just...this is so important. You know it has to be if I can't go somewhere with _you_. It's involving the network and - "

"Shut up, Jack, I don't want to hear it!" he snaps, curling his fist up into a tight ball. He sucks in his breath, producing a soft "_sssss_" sound, then brings the fist down onto the kitchen counter. It smacks the counter so hard that I'm surprised Jimmy isn't howling out in pain.

"We. Had. An. Agreement," he says slowly, as though I can't understand him if he speaks any other way. His teeth are clenched, his eyes blaring into me. "You are coming with me to work. That was the agreement."

"...but I didn't...I didn't know about this before. You've gotta' understand, they really need me over there..." I don't know what to say anymore and my voice is shaking so badly that it doesn't really matter _what_ I say; I'm still going to sound the same: afraid.

"I told you, I don't want to _hear it_," he yells, taking a step toward me and shoving me in the chest. The push is softer than I had expected and I only trail back a few steps. "So just _stop talking_!" Another shove, harder this time. I stumble back a few more steps and my back grazes the wall. Nowhere to go now.

He's looming over me, murder glistening in his dead eyes. His hand juts forth, latching onto my forearm. He yanks me from the wall, into him, so that our eyes are inches apart. He's not going to stop this time; I can see it in his eyes. There's nothing there, in his eyes. Just a cold, dark emptiness.

Using only his one hand, he pushes me back against the wall, slamming the back of my head against the wall. I want to scream, but all I can do is whimper softly. I don't think screaming for help will do anything, anyway. It's too late; he's gone.

Knowing there is nothing I can do, I squeeze my eyes shut, praying for the moment when it all will end. I feel his strong fists punching into my arms and shoulders and I can hear his angry words and shouting, but I can't feel anything. I'm numb.

Suddenly I feel his fist catapult into my stomach. My eyes snap open and I double over, clutching at my stomach. I land on the ground, on my hands in knees. I begin to cough; my eyes are watering. Not tears; just watering.

My eyes are shut again and I stare into the safety of not seeing anything. He's kicking now; luckily my stomach's gone numb now, too.

There's a pause and I relax, thinking it's over. But I make the mistake of opening my eyes. He's still standing there, staring down at me with his dead eyes and angry face. He leans down and lifts me with both hands, raising me from off the ground.

We stare into each other's eyes for a moment, him still holding me up, and there is a silence. For a moment I think I see something glimmering in his eyes - a sense of someone there - and then it's gone. And his grip on me tightens.

He yells something that doesn't make it to my ears and shakes me slightly. He yells something else and then all I feel is a strange weightlessness. I fly across the room and land beside the sofa, my head smacks into the leg of the coffee table that's right next to the sofa.

I lie there for a moment, staring but not seeing anything. I can't feel anymore. I sigh, closing my eyes. After a moment, I begin to feel. My head is throbbing and burning all at the same time. A sharp pain shoots through my head and down my spine and goes everywhere in my body. Tears of pain fill my eyes and then everything gets hazy. And then goes black.

And I feel nothing again.

* * *

Why's everything so black? Is it nighttime? Was everything that happened before just a dream, a really bad nightmare? Am I still in bed with Jimmy, sleeping off a night of one-sided love making? 

I moan softly and try to open my eyes. To my horror, I can only open one of them, and that's when I know. None of it was a dream. It was real; all of it was real. My left eye is swollen completely shut and it's burning like hell.

Finally, I can see light and then the ceiling comes into view. Thank God; I'm not blind after all. "Uhh…" Was that me? Could Jimmy still be here? I freeze, listening.

There's nothing there; I'm all alone. I moan again, pushing myself up into a sitting position. As soon as I sit up, a blinding pain shoots through my skull and I yelp, pressing the palm of my hand to my forehead. "God," I mumble. "What the hell…?"

That's when I remember hitting the leg of the coffee table. It's no wonder my head hurts; the table legs are made out of pure bronze. Everything hurts, but somehow I manage to get myself into a standing position, swaying slightly as I do so.

I take a clumsy step forward and freeze. Across the room, in a hanging mirror, I see myself. Dirty, horribly bruised and swollen me. I stare at my reflection – it looks like a victim you see in one of those murder stories on the news – and I watch as my face crumples and I begin to sob. I collapse on my knees and clutch at my broken face and cry and sob.

With tears still streaking down my face, I stand and stumble toward the door. I need Will. He's all I can think about right now. I don't care how I look; I need him to save me.

With my head held low, tears still pouring out of my eyes, I leave Jimmy's apartment and walk down the hallway toward the stairs. With each step I take, my heart gives a jolt, aching, crying out for Will. Maybe he can hear me…but that's stupid; how could he?

Before I know it, I'm out on the street, staring down at my moving feet as I continue to walk. I hear the startled whispers around me, but I don't care what they're saying. They can't help me, because they're not Will.

* * *

I place my hand on the door to Will's office, crying softly. I'm here. Finally, I'm here. Without knocking, I open the door. "Who is…" I hear Will begin, but he cuts his question off as he looks at me. "Oh, my God," he whispers and his chair creaks as he stands. 

I can't stop looking at the floor. I don't want to see him looking at me; the worry, the fear…I don't deserve it from him. A hand touches my face and I pull back, my eyes flying up, toward his face.

"Jack, what…what happened?" he asks me, pulling his hand away. But I don't want him to pull away; I want him to hold me and kiss me and love me the way I love him…but I'm afraid. Afraid that he won't want to.

I search for my voice, finding it after a few moments. "I…I…" Whose voice is that? It can't be mine; it sounds so far away and quiet. "Jimmy…he…" I pause, looking at Will through my blurry vision. "He hits me, Will. He gets mad, and then he…he…" I can't keep going. I burst into tears again, reaching out toward Will desperately.

Will gives me a shocked look, and then embraces me, pressing his head against mine. I want to tell him that my head hurts, but it feels so good to be close to him that I don't. It doesn't matter since he's here.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers. His lips are so close but I can't reach them. He's always on the wrong side of me.

I pull back so that I can look at him, look at his perfect face - so different then mine - and just stare at him. "What?" he asks softly.

I gaze at him in silence, and I feel like it's the moment we first met again; the moment I first fell in love with him. And I'm not afraid anymore. Even if the wrong thing happens, there's nothing that could make me feel worse. "Can I kiss you?"

He looks stunned for a moment, so I ask again. "Please, Will, can I kiss you?" He opens his mouth ever-so-slightly, makes a surprised noise...and then nods.

My heart stops. I really think it did. He just said yes. But why? _It's because he feels sorry for you,_ a voice tells me. I don't care. Kissing Will, pity or no, is all I need right now. And I need it so badly.

His eyes are closed already, giving him a peaceful expression. I half-close my eyes, then lean toward him, pressing my lips ever-so-slightly against his. And then closer. Our lips are connected and I never, ever want to move.

I think - I _know_ - the pain is gone now. All the bruises have healed and the cuts are gone and it's all because of this. Even though we're kissing, I smile slightly. I can really feel again.

_To Be Continued..._


End file.
